Thursday, April 18

Ceding Control

Have you ever met a control freak? Do you know one? Are you one? I am. It may or may not be as bad as you think, but trust me when I tell you, (and this is not an easy confession) that I am one. I have had one or two people tell me that over the years, and disagree though I did, and vehemently so, but, I finally give in; I am a control freak: everything has to work my way. Things have to be just so. A completely silly way of irritating people.

I remember distinctly declaring (as status comments on Face book, I think) some years ago that I am not a superwoman, I mean, I just came to the realization that I couldn’t, definitely could not do everything or be everywhere by myself. You would think that also meant giving up trying to control things, right?...ha!

A few weeks ago, I had a flat tyre driving out of VGC at 6am. I was all dressed up and already driving to work. I looked around; there was not a soul in sight…what to do? I did the first few practical things I could do: I exchanged heels for slippers, rolled up sleeves and took out the spare tyre (well!) and the tools and laid them out beside the car….Please note: I have never changed a tyre before in my life, but I would totally do it if I have to.  (can you imagine that of someone who ought to be and behave like a ‘lady?’ smh). But that morning, staring at that ‘mess’, I told myself, oh no, no way am I adding changing tyres to the retinue of (abnormal) things that I do, like change gas cylinders, bulbs, fix plumbing, wash car etc etc! I absolutely draw the line there. To cut a long story short, someone came along and helped sort out the tyre situation. That, in my opinion, is voluntarily opting out of being a superwoman, and it is ceding control.

Since that day, a lot of changes have taken place. I gladly shrug off some 'self-imposed' responsibility that I used to delude myself would cause the world to stop turning on its axis if I didnt do them myself.  And I confess I have made a lot of progress in relaxing my iron grip. Very painless I must say, and freeing, I might add! Now (my) life is easier. 

Ceding control is much less headachy than exercising it. Biko. Let someone else carry the headache.

Take a cue.

Be Free Oh!

Tuesday, April 9

We Press On.

Have you ever experienced that feeling of acute disappointment? Like someone cut out your heart because something you expected, something you believed was rightly yours, something you are so sure was coming to you because you worked so hard at it never arrived? Worse, it went to the least likely person, who, by all estimation is NOT qualified for it? Have you ever experienced that feeling?! Of course you have!

Have you ever anxiously, happily and excitedly gone some place, in the hope of finding something that you seek, fully expecting it to be right there, just waiting to be claimed, but what you ran smack into was…nothing? What happened to your heart? Can you recall that feeling??

Have you ever believed in someone, so much, so totally, so completely, with everything that you are and this person turns around to (oops, that word again!) disappoint you? It sure felt like someone put a knife through your heart and yanked it out; a physical jolt. The pain of such disappointment is real.
What makes the pain worse? For me, it is because I believed with everything I know to believe with: prayers, faith, trust, great expectation and the hope that these people, whoever they are, were worth it.

But let’s face it; as long as we are humans, disappointments, as we see them,  will always be a way of life. As much as the hurt and pain of it make us want to cut ties with the rest of the human race and gird ourselves by building impenetrable walls, the fact remains that as long as we are breathing, disappointments and all its accoutrements  will be part of our lives, and sometimes in our own selves, but how we deal with it is what matters. Shake it off and move on? Easier said than done, I wager, but really, that is it!

The part we so self-righteously forget is the fact that we have, at some point in our own lives, been a source of disappointment to people; we have promised and failed, failed to be there, failed to give of our resources, our time, and ourselves. Selfishly ensconced in our own private corners, unwilling to be disturbed, unwilling to allow the waves of other people’s despair and need so much as penetrate our walls long enough to touch us…we absolutely need to rememeber that, but more, to know that it should not always be that way, that disappointments and pains can be managed, in the hope of a better tomorrow, because better will always come.

Who has never suffered disappointments? Who has not failed to be there at some point?’ I have, and yes, I have too!

Be Free Oh

Tuesday, April 2

'What If God Loves Your Laughter?' by Holley Gerth

Hello everyone!

I had to share this link following the last post on laughter!
A friend forwarded it to me the same day I posted the last blog, asking 'interesting coincidence?' Very interesting, I must say.

Apparently it seemed that laughter is in order no matter the situation. (In Nigeria pidgin English): 'when mata pass cry, na to laugh!'

We should give serious thought to serious laughter.

Click here, and enjoy.

Be free oh.