Thursday, April 14

I Want to Know

People, have you actually been here, and disappointed that I haven’t blogged anything? Notice I didn’t say publish, I said blog. Why? Because I have been blogging, I just have not been publishing. 'Publishing' is when you see what I have blogged. My ‘draft folder’ is full of half-written blogs.
I just realised that whatever I write, if I am not 'satisfied' with it, I can’t publish it. That just reinforces the fact that my blog has to be relevant. It’s not about number of followers, or the comments received (though, this, in a very big way, help me to know that I am not crazy, and that my ‘weirdness’ is cool J).

I have blogged about the 'post-robbery' feeling, I have written about politics, I have blogged about my group (Bliss) Garage Sale that is coming up...I have been preoccupied with Thin Lines…in life, in love, in faith, in taking decisions, in everything. At what point are you acting in faith, and at what point are you not? What is the dividing line between faith and works?? Where does the grey begin and end? but I have not published any of these...where is the feeling of dissatisfaction coming from??

Anyway sha, I believe we agreed from the beginning that this page is not bound (hmmm this fave word of mine) to be serial, I mean, this page can never (I absolutely refuse) be predictable, oh no, it wouldn’t, so, you shouldn’t be able to guess when, what and how anything shows up here, should you? (eyebrow raised).

Be that as it may, my major preoccupation is GOD. Sigh. GOD. I look forward to another lengthy discussion with Him, have been trying to get Him to, but this is one of the times that He 'hides' Himself. He hides, because I need a face to face, I am hoping it won’t come to an angry showdown (see blog on Yay!! He is speaking!) but we just need to talk ni. According to a song by Jimmy Cliff, 'I want to know'. I need Him to speak a word. This is not about house or money, this is about LIFE. I WANT TO KNOW. I need a word. What should I do? What should I not do? What is acceptable? What is not acceptable? At what point should  I hear (or tel myself): ‘Zouzou, don’t you dare??”…you know?

In any case, I confirm He has been good, as always. I have received, post-robbery experience, wonderful surprises, for which I am truly grateful. Unexpected miracle, He has proven, as He so aptly told me a few blogs ago, that He is indeed ‘crafting something, and that delay is most definitely not denial’. While I slept, no, the enemy did not sow tares, God was crafting for Zouzou!

Guys, have I just blogged? Will I publish? What’s more, isn’t this a short blog???

Be free…oh!

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