Something remarkable and profound happened to me a few days ago, more profound is the fact that I accepted it without question, without thought, and I ‘ran’ with it! I hope you noticed that I did not say 'without pain' o. Ehen.
Dare I share it here? Would it be airing (not dirty) linen in public? I don’t think so. So why not? Why hesitate? Miss Proponent of different and advocate of 'Be Free'?? Pray, share o jare….
For those of you who really know me, you know how I have insisted and proclaimed that I would not marry a man younger than I. In fact thinking about it, I found that I had no 'valid' reason for taking this stand! I was never worried about whether I would 'lord' it over this younger man or that I would disrespect him. There really, honestly was no reason. On the other hand, I have also insisted that I could not marry an oyinbo, here I have a reason, (dont judge me too quickly, I am not a racist o), me say that me like the African culture of 'family', 'togetherness,' and the 'helping your neighbour' whenever there is a need, and also because I believe that I could never live abroad, who wanted to die of cold (yeeeees! yep! coooollld)...no I wasn't going to marry oyinbo who would take me away into the cold, and where I will not see my family as and when I want...at least these are reasons, stupid and silly as they may sound to you, well, you can only pray that I come 'unbound' in this regard too oh. Be your sister's keeper.
The age thing: Who knows how many good men have slipped by as I kept myself ‘bound’ in this…this…what’s the word now?? Of course the word is ‘tradition’. And for someone who wants to be free, I haven’t really done well with myself, have I? What a rude awakening! What a ridiculous limitation I have put on myself! And all these years...
I was at a slumber parri last week and someone in the group mentioned that for someone who claims to be ‘un-traditional’ it’s surprising that I am bothered about being older than the man I marry….(this is the part where I need the ‘surprise’ and ‘huh’ icons)…I thought fleetingly about it and waved it away, tucked so far in the recess of my mind I would have to do a lot of searching to bring that (displeasing, ugh!) thought back.
But sitting at my desk Monday afternoon, out of nowhere, absolutely out of nowhere….it hit me: ‘it doesn’t matter’. And gbam! Just like that, the ‘veil’ fell away…it just fell away…and I IM-ed a friend and two and told them ‘age makes no difference oh, it doesn’t.’ Was it God? Is it a rev(elation)? Was it my thought? Did I even think about it? I dont know, I just know that light shone, and I could see and the freedom of accepting and letting it go weighed more favorably than the pain thereof.
I know that I owe this to one particular friend….I know she has been asking God to deal with me, because she is so thoroughly fed up with my sad excuses for remaining single! (the next blog has got to be about appreciating friends and family. I honestly do not believe that anyone else is as blessed as I am when it comes to the people surrounding them….surely no one else is this blessed?!) So, I doff my hat at you, Lorrie babe…your shout of halleluyah is still ringing very loudly in my ear (rolling eyes sarcastically!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Duh.
Sometimes, I feel that God is just sitting there, cheeks resting in His palm, wondering why we are so full of it, just hoping we would 'gerrit' already so He can move on. I imagine Him really sighing in exasperation...thinking....jeez, child! I sooo beleive this. I see this picture! :-)
Be free oh…you too...afterall, "he who the Son sets free is free indeed"