Friday, March 23

Whose Fault?

On my way home a few nights ago, I tuned in on a radio station having an interactive session on ‘Teenage Pregnancy’, and whose fault it was that that phenomena is on the increase in Nigeria.
While I do not intend to continue the program on this blog, I heard quite a number of very interesting reasons, given, I was honestly surprised, by men! Throughout my listening time, only men called in! I wonder why that is.
Some said it was the fault of the parents, many said it was the fault of the society (bad economy, breakdown in infrastructures, poverty etc) others said it was the fault of the teenagers themselves because he believes the parents do their best.  Another set said it was the fault of the Church because the leaders prevent people from spending whatever free time they have with their children, by setting up too many meetings, even on weekends and public holidays. Still others said it was because of the sort of programs allowed on TV (that oen stomped me because...who is forcing anyone to watch the progams?)
I am not interested in discussing teenage pregnancy, I am interested in the overall growing process of (today’s) child.
Those of us who are adults today grew up in a completely different era, the age of  no technology, where the neighbors and the entire village joined with our parents to raise us. We know all of that, and despite our moral values, instilled (not by discussions with our parents o! Sex talk with my father or mother?! How?? Biko) but (I confess) by the fear of what they may do to us if they found out we had been funny. We read all the romance novels, I mean, our generation read but the desire to derailed and loose moral values were far and in between. The statistics of that can, in no way, compare with what obtains today.

As far as I am concerned, the parents, the church, the village, the neighbors and the society have failed. First the parents, because what we see today are parents who (under the guise/excuse of their own lack in their growing up years) just want to lavish everything on their children (guess at what age they begin to own blackberry phones now?), and do not want the neighbor, the village, or in fact, uncles and aunts to admonish or berate their children when they behave badly! They rush to school to fight principals and teachers if their children so much as complain of anything.  And it’s so bad that parents are expected to have discussions with children about everything, I completely understand that the individuality of the child be respected, his views heard, and that they should be made to understand the reasons certain things are expected, denied, and necessary for them. I completely understand that times have changed and we must move with the times, but I do not believe that we should completely loose restraints because a child has rights! When he/she brings home a baby at a young age, what are his rights then? Is that not added burden on you?
Where and how do you strike the balance?

Strange though it may sound (and it does sound really strange to some!), we still have people who hold fast to their moral teachings, against all odds. Nothing is too difficult to achieve if the mind is made up. It is possible to have a big rod in one hand and a small staff in another to raise children. To each his own sha. there is so much to say but this page cannot contain it all.

Should I mention that I am not yet a parent? So it is possible I am clueless and do not understand! #ExpressYourselves.....and

....Be Free oh.


  1. The world is too far gone for there to be a one size fits all answer to these issues.

    Personally, I just pray am doing right by my kids, putting the right foundation down in their lives cos no matter what, they will go out there into the world and have to make decisions on their own. If God has helped me and their papa, they will make more good than bad on the way to fulfilling their purpose. And the bad? Will grow them, teach them and grace a Dieu, work out for their ultimate good.

    But with all due respect, we the parents need to 'grow up' cos without meaning to point fingers, I cannot get over our behaivour these days. The other day I was 'telling off' my son's teacher for being too soft. If my son insists on day dreaming during class YOU as the teacher have the right to 'zap' him back to reality. What in the world is going on in a school where teachers are 'fearing' to scold a child? Ehn, after the thousands my mgm and I are paying? You allow him sit there thinking about 'Finding Nemo! But can you really blame schools when parents are 'decking' teachers? Actually I can. In my day, the school will ask you and your daughter to go and find ANOTHER school.......Yes! If they look into the case and said child deserved said disciplining, the school will show you the door. Go and set up your own school now! Abi?

    See, concerning my son, I am not saying conk his head or pull his ear (though this did not kill me back in the day) all I am saying is exercise your authority as the teacher and get my child to focus while he is in your care. If being stern is required then Lord have mercy BE STERN! I can lovey dovey my son myself at home!

    You see, Zee at home, at school, the crux of the matter is finding balance. We have lost sight of what balanced parenting is. Like you said, there are still a few parents who would rather be the 'uncool, swagga-less' ones now to be able to stand and point out our children later on in life as they receive their awards for this or that or become leaders in whatever sphere of life they end up in.......Yes, I would rather be the ''over zealous-oversabi-old fashioned'' parent now oh! For the later good of my children! And God knows, I will do anything NOT to become a Nana before my time!

    Once again, I have done ''over-syllabus''.......Just manage me like that. Lol!

    it is almost as if we are no longer fit to raise our children. I hate t

  2. Over-syllabus ke?! Personal and practical examples, such as you have given, helps! Merci tres beaucoup.

  3. I agree with you to the extent that everybody is to blame, but I also want to reserve my comments a little longer until I become a mother (by physical birth or adoption - though I may be heading towards the latter if all goes well). I used to rant and rave about society's ills, but sometimes, my failings make me realize that people are failing too and sometimes it isn't on purpose! The sheer evil of this our age is bearing upon us, especially we of the clueless generation before our parents... somehow the train left us and we are left holding the train ticket wondering where it all went...


    Mary (Omo Jesu)


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