Monday, October 16

I Chose to Remember


Are you afraid of where you are? Physically or mentally? If yes, you are not alone. I am in that House of Fear, right along with you, as are many others, I dare to think.

Since I am not privy to your deepest, allow me to vocalize some of mine. 

I am in a good place.

By all accounts, and in comparison to where I am coming from, this is such a good place; I am not denied the basic necessities of life. 

But deep inside there is this, sometimes, almost crippling fear. A big fat one that tells me, what if you lose it all tomorrow?  What if you revert back to that dark place where everything was such a struggle? And when you come from a place like that, then no matter how comfortable you get, there may always be the niggling fear that you might lose it all and go right back to where you were. Sometimes the thought propels me out of sleep. It is even worse for those who have had ‘a taste' of the good life only to lose it for some reason.

But I think it is important to accept where you are now. Accept it. Enjoy it. I tell myself this often. I am aware that I did not arrive here by any special feat but by great mercy, because being ‘here’ was truly unimaginable. I am talking about having the simple comfort of life that is so often taken for granted. If you have never gone to sleep hungry, never had to worry about what you and the people depending on you will eat on the morrow, if everything you need come to you without conscious thought, then I am afraid you cannot comprehend what we are talking about.  

So, in not forgetting, we ought to revel in the simple things that make our day comfortable and alive. And not to take them, or life for that matter, for granted. That having struggled so much, so hard and for so long to survive, we should epitomize compassion, generosity and selflessness, not tied to those things that granted, eluded us in the past. So now when I hold a plate of food – it doesn’t matter what is on it, what matters is, I didn’t think twice about it being there, when I slide my feet into my shoes, when I cuddle up in my comfortable bed, when I walk around my house in wonder, When I prepare to go to my work, when I hear the sound of my chimes, I remember, and I inaudibly mutter thanks, and {try to} refuse to allow morbid thoughts of the past dampen the excitement of the present, roping me into depression. I try.

Needless to say, even though we still have a myriad of needs, there are those who still begrudge us; they try to make us think that we are not deserving. That is their problem, not yours. No matter how much people think they know you, they cannot truly identify with your emotional, physical or mental journey. No. They have to have walked in your shoes to get it. How can they understand that in your own mind you are still running in disbelief until that voice whispers to you, "you are home now" to calm you down?     
  
Perhaps, right now your story is the reverse, you may feel that the dark tunnel is endless and that you are never going to come out of it, it isn’t, and you will. Or, your fear may not be along these lines, that is also okay, no matter what shape it assumes, when it tries to drown you, tell yourself that is it only a matter of time, because this too must pass. And when it does, remember.

Just imagine if we were to look like what we have been through, I doubt I will even recognize me. I highly doubt it...

Be free oh.


2 comments:

  1. I loved this, "no matter how much people think they know you, they can never truly identify with your journey".
    Being able to verbalized how one feels is truly a gift not to be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. spot on dear👍! you have really said it all

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