Monday, June 27

Kiss and Tell

Na wa oh. You disappear from your page and no one notice you are gone? I don’t gerrit.
But come o, I have a 12th follower??? Wow. Great! Welcome, Natmane. Wow.

Eh hen. Long time.  Oya, so what’s been happening? Plenty. Plenty,
I went for a Movie Premiere. Yeees. For the first time in my life o, I was invited by a great friend to go for this thing, no idea what to expect, I got dressed and off to Silverbird we went. The card said ‘red carpet’ starts at 4pm, something something (what was that o….can’t remember) starts at 6pm. We arrived there about 6pm-ish…and there were Nollywood stars taking pictures, having interviews, people  milling around…I had no desire to ‘star-gaze’ or ‘star-moon’  so we stood aside watching the show, sipping chapman and nibbling on small chops. 6.30pm, 7pm, 7.30pm, 8pm…haba. Whats to be next o?? they said we would see the movie itself, and I was like, when? At what time?? In the middle of the night?? I will not bore you with details but gosh…gosh. I honestly wish we would one day get our acts together. I do not believe it takes a lot to organize things in such a way that the hiccups you encounter during execution are ‘acceptable’. Some hiccups are totally unacceptable. By the time we went up to see this movie, it was about 8 or 8.30pm, but that’s not my grouse, I have moved on from the lateness of the hour cos my friend really wanted to see the movie oh (ah, did I tell you the title yet? Kiss and Tell (where is that ‘can’t watch’ BB icon??, ‘can’t watch’ not because the movie was vulgar, no, though we would get there, but because it was just an adaptation of ‘2 Can Play the Game!’). Anyway, by the time we arrived at the theater door….my goodness! The sea of people?! The unbelievably disorganized picture of people pushing to get in! As usual they had given out more invitation than the theater can take…it was obvious. at the end of the day, the producer had to appeal to ‘in house people’ to stand o, so some of their guests could sit!  Some sat on the isle, God forbid, no be by force, if I felt that strongly about seeing a movie, I would buy a proper ticket (maximum 1.5k won’t kill me na) and see the movie.
But honestly, I don’t get it. What is it with us and  timing? Why have we allowed this yeye ‘African time’ mentality to get into our heads and become a norm?? And where did that phrase come from?? Are people like this in other African country?? We have even gotten to the point where we write on invitations: ‘no African Time please’ Hia. Opari. Being late has become a norm?? So it was at Tuface’s concert…I like Tuface but (according to my friend) meeehnnn…I disappoint. Started hours behind schedule. And they never have  the courtesy to apologize. It has become another norm. Bad things becoming the  norm. Incroyable.
Should I talk about the movie itself? Kai. The conclusion I came up with is this (and you can kill me if you like), when you see a Nollywood movie that you think is worth seeing, it’s is probably written after, adapted or ‘culled’ from some American movie possibly from way back. Then when you see the ones that are actually and unbelievably bland, no story line, lame acting, funny title (Calculator???!!!!) someone wrote it and meant for it to be original. I am sorry but that na my take. Na how I see am.
That’s how I followed friends (again!) to watch Tango (apologies aunty Joke and Geneveive, but that movie is not on the list of movies I see a second, third or tenth time, and oh, am known to see movies over and over again!). I have said I would never go see any Nollywood movie at the cinemas, it’s a waste of (my) time and money. That is what you get when you ‘follow follow friends’ (friends, make una no vex, just remember not to ask me next time! Chikena).
On a final note, the way they have incorporated mouth to mouth-very-obvious-kisses into Nollywood movies is scary oh! When did that start?? What’s coming next?? (eyes wide open in surprise). I stop here. #IStop.
Ok, that vented, biko I wan go Sax Appeal on July 3rd o: Kenny G and Mike Aremu. I need free tickets (did you notice the ‘plurality’ of tickets??) somebody, help this needy!
Be free oh. (Determine never to be late again.) Be the change you desire, they say, ko?


  1. How many tickets do you need?

  2. Wow, what a dear, I totally agree with you. Watching a Naija movie is a verrrryyyy painful experience. I refuse to subscribe to DSTv for now because I know people around me who would demand to watch Nollywood. Part of the main problem of course is that we don't have the necessary division of labour to allow creativity rule the waves...I mean, a director is the actor is the costume designer is the producer...come on!!! and any script is acceptable. Don't they have people who screen these scripts and adapt it to movie worthy status? I need a job in proofreading and editing, seriously, any takers? I can write a better screenplay than the rubbish they produce! And please don't get me started on the African man time. *rolling eyes* Which is why I always take my time showing up at - much luv mary arinze


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