Some lessons we learn the hard way, others come easy; in form of an ‘awareness’; something we have always known in our subconscious but which becomes clearer through an event or a thought.
I learnt (re-learn) one such lesson recently, the ‘easy' way, I hasten to add! J
A few days ago, my mum in Abuja visited Lagos and we arranged to go explore the City after she had rested awhile; she insisted she never naps, but agreed to lie down anyway, for an hour. So, into the room she went, and I went about alternating between reading, TV, internet, dozing, while waiting for her to show…one hour, two three, four, five…eight hours later, I eventually went into the room and asked why she hadn’t come out so we could go out as planned; she said she was waiting for me to come get her. I was waiting for her to come out of the bedroom! We looked at each other in astonishment, laughing, and she said, this is the exact problem (of communication) between husband and wife that could, and usually, eventually break up a marriage.
Fast forward 4 days after; some friends and I planned to go out after work; I gave my car to the mechanic, deciding (in my mind) to hitch a ride back home with one of them. Unbeknownst to me, she had given her car to her husband, planning to ride with me; neither of us thought to communicate (that word again!) verbally to be sure; we took it for granted by tacit, howbeit un-mutual (is there a word like that??) agreement that it was fine! When eventually we realized what we had done, we could only marvel. We were, of course stranded and car-less!
Now, I am no marriage or relationship expert, but I realize the importance of speaking up, of communicating by laying it all out in the open in marriage or in a relationship (afterall, married or not, we all have relationships of sort)…however, as simple as that may sound, it is not as easy! The scenarios above seem simple enough, I mean, this is between mother and child/friends. I had all sorts fo reason for not going in to check up on her after the agreed hour. I dont want to disturb her sleep, in case she's dozed off, I dont want to interrupt in case she is praying, maybe she just doesnt want to go our afterall and so on. All moot.
I now see the folly (I told you I just learnt a lesson!) of pretending to be psychic, a mind reader, making presumptions and assumptions as to the other person’s feelings and thoughts; and more often than not, I am way off mark! So, I advocate that really, words need to be said, thoughts shared, feelings expressed just so everyone is on the same page. Assumption can sometimes be a killer!
Lest this post grow even longer…*rolling eyes*…I rest my case!
God bless Nigeria
Be free oh!