Dear readers, I had to re-blog this as a follow up to my last post!
Diary of A Desperate Naija Woman: Parental Peer Pressure ('PPP'): First of all, let me say that I am by no means a perfect parent. In fact, this afternoon, after church I was having a much needed pow-wow ...
Monday, July 30
Friday, July 27
You get into bed every night, pull the duvet or covers over your head, and at some point your eyes flutter shut, next you know, your eyes open, never mind at what time; middle of the night, morning, noon, your eyes just open with no effort on your part and behold you are ushered into a brand new day…but do you have any idea what kind of world you have woken up to? Or that while you laid prone and unconscious in sleep, forces were at play shaping a new technological order. Do you see the rate at which new models of phones and cars and other electronic gadgets are being churned out? And that is to say the least. The speed is enough to send one reeling.
Do you wonder how humanity coped 10, 20, 30 years ago? When things were different and life was so much less complicated? The memories may be fading, but we were doing so well when we had those things that we now consider so old-fashioned…But have you looked at some of your old photos and you thought…"omg, what was I thinking?? Did I really dress that way?!" But then, you must have thought you were the hottest thing in town then!
When I am driving and I see old models of cars, all I can think is, ‘oh no, what will I think of this car that is so precious to me now, 10 years down the line?!
How about the fact that ‘innocent’ words have now become something we must think twice, scratch that, thrice about before uttering? I clicked on Smooth Jazz Expression, my favourite international online jazz radio this morning, and on a list of similar radio stations, I saw ‘Gay FM’, I automatically did a double-take, with my thoughts skittering in different directions, wondering exactly what kind of station it was and who it was dedicated to. Sigh. Can you imagine how far we have come from ‘not complicated?’ Who in their right minds will today compliment another person on “looking so gay??”
And you would agree with me that many innocent English words have taken on new and different meanings, double entendres such that every word, expression, nuance etc is regarded with suspicion, everyone is on the defensive. Are these changes we wake up to doing more harm than good? Your guess is as good as mine. Nothing is pure or innocent anymore. How did we get here?
Well, it is Friday, and I am just here, quietly musing and shaking my head.
Be free oh.
Wednesday, July 25
You know, I was going to add in the last post, that despite all the horrors going on in the world, we are still expected to live, and not only live, but live a meaningful and exciting lives! Otherwise, the events around us would instill such paralyzing fear; we would die having achieved no purpose. Ha.
Firmly armed with the determination to so live, I decided to make a deliberate effort to do something exciting with friends this July. And as the ideas popped, I fired off text messages to immediate friends, just so I don’t balk, (you know how easy it is to feel inadequate and discouraged).
So, first idea was a walk on a Saturday morning, something that most people would not normally consider doing…I must say it was greeted with great enthusiasm, well, until I announced it would happen at 7am! Needless to say, the numbers of 'walkers' decreased, but it was worth it, for those who eventually took part.
Secondly we organized a dinner with random friends, an ‘edgy’ sort of outing where conversations on love, life, career, God, relationships etc abound. The dress code here was 'that get up you have been dying to put on.' Well, I appeared in...not a dinner dress, (I wore three-quaters black tailored pants, white shirt, Converse, and had my sweater) and it didnt go down well with one of my friends who said I had decieved them! Lol!! All in all, we made new friends and had great conversation and such fun.
The third idea excited me most! I had attended an Open Mic Night a few months before, and it was such a free and exciting atmosphere, but as much as I really wanted to recite one of my poems, I couldnt imagine myself doing it in front of so many people! Right there and then, I promised myself I would help people who felt exactly the same way. Who knows how many talents are buried just because we have allowed shyness to get the better of us? So I came up with the Be Free Oh Open Mic Evening: a small and cozy affair with friends and friends of friends, where everyone would be free enough to do! Yes! Do Anything! Book readings, poem recitals from their over-bulging notebook of poems, songs (and put their ‘bedroom-only’ karaoke to shame!), jokes and much more. However, permit me to confess: we never got around to doing any of the above in the strictest sense of it, (although, I do recall someone singing Tuface’s ‘I wanna Be Free’) but we had such fun chatting and going hysterical with insane laughter! Only one man was in attendance and was he glad he came! According to him, the 'very blunt' ladies helped his marriage get even better from that night. I have high hopes for the next edition, which we have agreed to tag 'Be Free Oh with Zouzou.' #Unstoppable.
Come August, we have another date with A Walk, Being Free oh, and who knows what else?? I have so many names/tags in my head, I need to find events to fit them in. *big grin*
What are you doing?
Be free oh (with Zouzou!!)
Tuesday, July 17
I haven't been silent because I have nothing to say. Quite the contrary. Only flabbergasted and overwhelmed (an understatement) by all that is happening. My mind and head is so full, I marvel at how both hasn't exploded with all that is going on within and without me!
Have you had a chance to look, I mean, really look at Nigeria (again) recently?? Are you taking note of all that is happening? I am suddenly transported to the time when bomb explosions were the other of the day in Iraq (not that it has stopped). Nigeria is suddenly Iraq to me. How did we get here?
The latest I heard, (I have stayed away from the papers today so far) and which leaves me speechless and confused is the bomb explosion in Okene, in Kogi State! That interested me because I grew up there!! OKENE? Bomb? How? Why? What is the correlation? I must be dreaming, asking that question because The Evil Agenda obviously has no geographic, ethnic or religious plan, other than do maximum damage anywhere and however it can be managed, still, OKENE?! Thoroughly mystifying.
And this is only a tiny aspect of what is happening without. How about the killings at a funeral, a funeral?! How about horrible deaths while scooping fuel, (I can no longer understand if that should still be credited to extreme poverty or something else), sporadic and random shootings of the innocent and defenseless. I could go on and on.
Presently I am reading several books; two are of the greatest interest because they are relevant to the happenings around me. The Fall of Lucifer by Wendy Alec (oh yeah, you could say that is really relevant!), and the second is Swimming Against the Tide by Edo Ukpong. The former is very eye-opening, and gives me a better understanding of the workings of the enemy and of the time we are in now. The latter is so riveting! It is a compilation of the author's writings in the newspapers over a period of two decades, of events in Nigeria. My sadness became acute from reading just the forward. Though humorous, it chronicled how events in Nigeria have evolved, and how bad things have, and is still going south in Nigeria.
It seemed that the dawning of each day brings only the worst. WHEN will things change? HOW will it? WHO will make the difference? Flummoxed as I am, I know that we have a rudder, and an anchor. We have promises made to us by a God who never reneges on promises. Though our hearts may seem to be permanently in our throats while it seem we are on standby for the worst possible news daily, we still have the hope of a better tomorrow!
Be Free Oh. Omg.
PS/How do you title this post?!
Thursday, July 5
You know how you can remember with absolute clarity the first time you heard a word, saw someone, read something etc? I was just staring into the rain a few days ago when for no reason, Genesis 3 popped into my head. The story about how God came down in the cool of the day to have His usual walk with the occupants of Eden but His walk companions were nowhere to be found; the wrong move (their absence that fateful evening) that began the catastrophe that has thrust the human race into a race (no pun intended) against evil such as we are yet to fully comprehend.
‘Where are you?’ That innocent question, fills my mind now. Suddenly I am wondering where we all are in our daily walk…(maybe I should stick to questioning myself) with whomever or whatever we walked. What will happen if I am looked for, in the spot where I (naturally) ought to be and I am not found?? Where am I in the cool of the day?? Where (exactly) am I, now?
(One of) my greatest fear is this: something happens, usually bad, I am resolved to make changes in my life, I get determined to change, and I am gingered to do things. But no sooner has that thing passed than I am back to ‘normal.’ It is like a (vicious) circle oh. My present mantra is live. As in, live. I keep thinking I cannot die before I have lived, that, right there, must be a punishable offence. What?! With everything I have inside me? People need me. Things need me. I am the solution to some problems!
So live, determined I to me. But live how? Doing what? The things that please me? Make me happy? Make others happy? Am I the only one who has this nagging feeling that I am moving, but I am not making progress, that I still am not doing anything? Am I the only one who thinks I do not have what it takes to make the change that is needed to transform and …yes, change? Am I the only one who thinks I am too small in the scheme of things to really make a …yes, change?
Am I the only one who has this gaping, dissatisfied and skittering hole in my chest?
We need to accept that starting small is the way. It is the combination of the little things that come to make the big difference. So, we have to think that no matter what ‘small’ thing we do, change is taking effect…it is.
Lest I bore you with my (usual) endless questions, the question becomes relevant: ‘Where are you?'
Be Free Oh.