2 things on my mind today: Vent, or Muse…who knows where we would land?? Let’s go there….
Ok, I confess, I have marriage on my mind. I mean, for so long, I didn’t care, as in, it didn’t matter if marriage happened or not, and I told (abi na say I convince myself) that I see a pattern in my life…things always came late to me, always…but when it does, it certainly causes me to gasp and gape and wonder. So I thought ooh kayy, maybe this is another journey that takes time again…so I accepted, and didn’t ‘care’ at all.
Remember we agreed that this blog will never be pretentious? Better not to say it here than having to lie. Besides, na my blog, so na my business! (tongue out…oops, unladylike, huh?? Lol).
Anyway sha, moving on. So! I hung in there, not really bothered whether man look my side or not…and most importantly, didn’t even give them face. We already sorted out that part where age was a factor, right (see ‘I have Come Unbound!’). However, the older I got, the more I found out that the men are deceived by my stature o, they actually believe am a young girl; even some things have their downside. *Sigh*
So. Now. I am ‘aware’. I think I want to marry. I believe I want to marry… I know I want to marry. BUT. To who?
Married people, some singles too, all have ideas about the ‘perfect’ man. Common! Even I see him in my mind’s eye. Who doesn’t? In fact, I have a list, whether in my head, in my mind, in a book, wherever, I have a list (and yessssss, tall dark/light/chocolate and handsome dey dia!) which I modify every day. (and just so you would know, my list has 2 sides, the qualities I would like him to have, and those I pray for me to have for him). Marry your friend, they say. (Eeeerr, which one? Dem don all marry already! Ok, the one with whom we shall become friends when we meet? Confusion: but no matter, that mystery will solve itself sometime). The one who you can laugh with, be yourself with (I am saying the things people say o) and so on and so forth. Advice and more advice. Words of wisdom, and more words of wisdom. But, of all the things I have read, of all the things I have heard, of all the things I have seen of marriages, the one I am convinced of is you gats marry a man who shares your values. Do you have any? I value family. I am that true African who just believes in ‘family’, I may need my break from them or just get plain fed up o, but knowing that you have them to call on when you need them is so comforting. How does he treat parents and siblings and the mai gadi, the okada men, and the under-privileged? A man should know what his responsibilities are and take them serious o. A man should know what he is about, (I mean, we cant both be confused na, abi??) for those times when me I dither! A giver…and a lover – the whole essence of humanity. Is he a lover? Does he love? If yes, what? These are things I do not think I should compromise. But then, that na me.
I read an interview of Michelle Obama this morning, and she had this to say about her husband. I am not quoting it because she is someone to reckon with but because it struck a chord in me, and also confirms some of what TD Jakes also said in his book ‘Before You Do’ (…’Anything!’ I add. I recommend that book oh).
On whether she knew Obama would be president when she met him: "Absolutely not. No, I'm just kidding.... I knew he was a special person. And it had nothing to do with his education. It had nothing to do with his potential. …. It was how he felt about his mother; the love that he felt for his mother; his relationship to women; his work ethic ... he wasn't impressed with himself. And he was funny. And we joked a lot. And he loved his little sister ... he was a community organizer. I really respected that”
But far from reading, what I believe is to know what you want ("What do You Want?"), and to pray for the grace to handle challenges as they surface, because surface they must…after all, man is subject to change, isn’t he? (by man, I do not mean just the male man, the female man too!)
So for those who are in like shoes…while I am not the voice of wisdom, I don’t believe you should listen too hard to other people and/or allow their principles and beliefs to override yours, actually a combination of all we hear is only confusing. But being surrounded by so ‘great a cloud of witness’, you need to find a balance, when (actually) you know exactly what you want. Both of my parents weren’t Christians, but I crave whatever it was that made their marriage last 32 years…
There is such a lot to say about this matter, but let me restrain myself, the blog don dey long.
Ok, I guess I successfully ‘mused’. Even if I say so misef.
Oya, make everybody talk im own. Married and single alike…share.
Be free oh.