Question: Are you free?
Loaded question, but again, I ask, ‘are you free?’ Truly, truly free?? I am not sure I am. Actually, I know I am not.
Acute discontent, utter disatisfaction and lots of questions. Why I am still so bound, for someone who claims (who strongly desires) to be free, why am I not free, why do I feeI so tongue-tied, so boxed in? Where is the key to this box? Is it in some bottomless pit someplace, never to be found? Why is it so difficult to break free?? Why am I clawing my way out of this airless box, unable to break free? Why? Who has taken my freedom? Why can’t I say no, yes, maybe? Why am I thinking so hard of the consequences of my response? Why does it matter? Why do I find myself thinking about your (yes, you) feelings? Why, eh? These thoughts are coming so hard and so fast they give me such a nasty headache.
I find myself singing ‘I wanna be free, free like a bird’, but I fear there is no solace there either. Where do you draw the line? How do you find the balance so you don’t ruin a friendship, a relationship, or worse, your reputation? (again I ask, why is that important?). Sigh. Why have we chained ourselves, hands and foot, proudly resplendent in our orange prison garb??
Why are we so different from the Jesus we profess to follow? Why are we constantly judging everyone around us? Why is everyone else wrong but we are perfect? Always pointing fingers, conveniently ignoring the huge log in our eyes; in fact, how we are able to see the speck in the other person’s eyes amazes me. Do we even stop to think that the people we judge are actually silently crying for help? That their very action is just a way of covering up some deep yearning, a search for something even they cannot explain?
Jesus sat and dined with all sorts of people! What gives us the right to sit in judgment over them? There is even a scripture to this effect, but let me spare you; we quote too many scriptures we dont believe in. Have we been so ‘brainwashed’ it’s become difficult to find our way back to the surface of reality? The Jesus reality? To take and relate with everyone with the innocence of a child? To be free in truth? I just tire. Ki lo de gan?! I am exhausted trying to ‘show’ good example when all I want to do sometimes is fold my hands and really pout like 'Morenike!' Lol.
Sick of wearing this mask, suffering in silence, unable to live. Ha. It was for freedom we were set free now...
Ok, I don vent finish.
Yikes…but I still have to say it…
Be Free Oh.