'No Title'...'Rambling'...abi 'Musing' sef!

Bonjour everyone...

It's been a 'one-kind' week...however, through all the one kind, I still discovered (again) that God is faithful...and that He understands (you know, when we spew out these 'christianisme' phrases sometimes, it sounds like, oh puhlez, we have heard that before but where is HE??) But honestly, He does show up! Doubts will always be a part of our lives, what we do with the doubt is the koko to wa ni nu oro na! Abi wetin una say I talk?

3 things am believing God for or should I say, working towards: 3..pere! three, trois, meta, just 3 little things which, compared to His vast riches, is nothing!

I want to move into that new apartment, I have seen it, we have agreed to the move, I see myself in it: the position of my bed, my candles and incense in the bathroom..the furnishing, my kitchen, my car parked in its slot etc, I see it every day...in fact, when I am driving to the present apartment these days, I tell myself, am going to the old house, and when I enter the gate, I say, I reject this house, in fact, this house rejects me!!! Lol. ...so why is it, at the last moment, everything seemed to have come to a head and is at a standstill?? Why?? Gosh, sometimes You are soo....I dont know! Why dont You (just once in a while) reveal the entire big pishur?? Why??

The second thing is a business I am pursuing o, everything started without my even seeing or planning it...this hasn't come to a head nor is it at standstill, but can we move on? Can it come even more quickly?? Can it be different in my case (why not? Pouting)  Can it happen is in toute de suite? Now?? Sigh.

Numero 3 thing.....we shall explode this one when it 'has head' and 'eye'. Lol. I just know that 'I smiled'....and am still smiling.

Suffice to say, despite the disquiet in my Spirit, I tell you, He sees and He cares, and I honestly cannot say this enough. The week has been declared a Fasting and 'Praise with no agenda' week by the Apostle himself, Pastor Tony. But yestarday, I told myself...home straight, I don tire. I am going home, to do what? Especially as there is never electriciy, I dont know, I am just going home o jare.. I left the office at exactly 4.55pm. As I drove away, my mind kept saying 'go to Church'...it was just after 5pm by now and Church is at 6.30pm!!!!! Kaaaaiiii! 'Go to Church'...kept ringing in my head. So I went. Sat there until the service began. Needless to say, the service was awesome and divine, but that was NOT why He took me there o. Looooooool. He took me there to say to me through someone (because I have been too dense and deaf to hear Him of course) : 'delay is not denial, allow me to craft the things I am crafting, let patience have her perfect work'. Haba. Haba. Kai. Lakuli. He has done it again!! This reminded me of an episode so many years ago...I was begging Him for something, not something that He necessarily would grant me o, as in, He did not have to answer that prayer, and He would be justified in not answering! However, still in Church too, (which I at first didnt want to go)...He said through someone 'there is someone here who has lost something and is looking for it, God says you have found it'. Gbam. Finish. I found it o. Its that simple with God. Ps. 18: 6-19 is the awesome Psalm I have always concentrated on! Can you imagine all that drama He gets into just to save me....! Try to picture it as if it were a movie...a lot of effizzy indeed. Lol.

So, why  do I feel 'deserted' and depressed and confused when I  think 'time' is running out? and how can time run out where The One Who Lives in Timelessness is concerned? Heavy sigh.

And I have discovered that when God says, tell people about my works, declare my wonders...He knows what He is saying o!! I never ever gave the testimony of the story above (happened maybe 20 years ago) until  last year...and I cried while telling it! It surprised me that I bawled, chest heaving while telling this story, and I sure  felt a 'release' and a freedom for having 'voiced it' at last!

I know I am not the only one feeling this disquiet, and a sense of time trunning out right about now. Who knows, the word in Church yestarday may also be for you. Take a que people...

...and be free oh.

PS/ I know I shall return with my full testimony in tact...watch this page, avidly in fact. :-)

Zouzou's Wall of Fame (3)

Yep!! Part 3....my God is too much and I am too blessed so dont beef!! LMHO...

Someone told me that Part 2 was too long....I am 'in agree,' (according to Zebrudaya) could have made it spill over to Part 3, but then, its not my fault that I am so blessed  abi??

Ok, ok...its these kind of random gist that 'elongates' my bloooooog! Looooooool!

Here goes, first and foremost but in no special order:  my dearest dearest '1004' aunties....wonderful women, aunty Ima and aunty Reggie, my Saadu....Mimi...Mummy Alabi asked you to take me in for the week when I started work in Lagos when the journey (plus traffic) to and fro Ogba almost killed me, and just like that, you said ok...behold, the birth of another family in my life...God bless....remember when you made afang and pounded yam for my French friend Didier Karger?? Loooool! He never forgot that. You both are something else!

Mummy Bukky....my 'son' Yomi, is so much bigger and taller than I am now....and Bukky, a babe...the friendship with your family...thanks sha. I am grateful for it, for so many reasons.

Hajara (Opochi!!!)...wa o oh! It is always such a pleasure being around you. Looool. I remember your support when Dj was in hospital, haba, all the way from Kaduna..haba...wa me de, avo poro!

Tayo  (Glo), I have you to thank for LASU (I am sure you have forgotten) and for Danjuma too, my goodness! If you hadn't showed up that day I was going crazy, who knows whats story about Dj we would be telling today?? God bless you, and I do not say that lightly.

Still in Glo: Mr. Festus, Mr. Mike Jituboh, Mr. C. Iloegbunam I honestly wish I could narrate the things that these people have done for me...but suffice it to say that I only have to ask...I ONLY HAVE TO ASK!

My aunty Hauwa Ehimony, got saved through you oh! "lets go to Church", I agreed to go out of 'fear' and respect, and behold, Rev George was preaching on Forgiveness...the rest is history.

My uncle Kieran....I have never met a more generous family member. Thank you. My prayers for you is that 'your days will be long', literally, according to the word of God.

My uncle Sufyan Abdul-Malik...thank you, I had a home when I started school. That is a huge part of my history.

Aunty Keita, I know we would meet one day...its a small world, getting even smaller with all the technology.

My friend and sister, Olamide and by extension her family. Gosh...memory plenty here o...we were 'The Wheel' in School: Olamide, Umma, Tsitse and I: we had fun...man did we have fun in School! And through being friends then, we became family...you definitely have had an impact in my life, Ola Ojo, ...you have.....and we are in this for the longest haul...thank you.

My LASU class family: Someone in the class once said that if for some reason the program doesn't work out, meeting everyone in the class would have been worth it. I liked that. But then, the program worked out well, and so: to Joyce, (Class governor) Commissioner Forse, Grand Commander, Ima Niboro, Martins, Adejoke, Tony, Lapslayo, Rita, Victor and Maryam....it was an 'Executive Class,' but we were like family, we had real corporation and enjoyed the class while it lasted. I thank you all for the various degree of friendship.

My landlord, Chief Atiku!!! Haba, you cant be missing from my Wall, impossible! Who has ever met a more accommodating Landlord?? Who?? I am serious! The last 8 years (its been 8 years? *marveling*) have been enjoyment galore; I doff my heart, you have been good, I cant take that away from you, you have really tried, for a Landlord in Lagos oh, haba, you did well...a dupe, ese gan ni Sir.

Still, there are people whose names I cannot even mention here, but people whom God has strategically placed to bless me...I cannot get over the fact that He loves me this dearly, that in spite and despite my unfaithfulness, He is always there...working out how to reach and bless me in my hour of need! Someone told me last night that things happen for me because I 'am good with people'....I laaaauuuggghhheeeeed oooh! I most certainly am not! Na God work. Chikena.

Part 4 will definitely come, I mean, my life isn't over yet na, abi! and things are still happening eve nas I speak (write). Lol.

Be freeeeeee ooooh!

Zouzou's Wall of Fame (2)

Giving honour to whom honour is due, Zouzou's Wall of Fame continues today...

In no particular order:

Samuel Sadek! My Egyptian (former) colleague at Alcatel, the one who had the honour of nicknaming me Zouzou!!! The name has become me (I guess I need to inlcude this when I am doing 'name change!' Cant wait o, eh hen)

I wish I knew where Samuel is today....

My Ilorin family: Mr. James Adeyemi and family...I pause again to reflect on everything that he has done, he stood as a buffer whenever the storm was raging...he was a father in every sense of the word, I pray that God Himself, as He promised in His word, will raise a standard for this family as and when needed. Alfa Wahab can in no way be missing from my Wall either....

Rev George Adegboye..Senior Pastor, Rhema Chapel, Ilorin....commenting on what each person has done for me on this page will either be TMI, or the page itself will explode with details...Baba Georgie....words cannot convey...I marvel at you, truly I do. I could never forget how you were there, never, ever forget. 

Every single person I was surrounded by when I got saved, the Rhema family, "Mum Faith' and all those who of course are now pastors of their own Churches: Rev Sam Adeyemi, Rev Victor Adeyemi, Rev Segun Olubiyo ('The Evangelist') apart from being a great friend all those years ago, he prayed the migraine I always used to have away...I remember that evening so vividly....Pastor Love Adeshina...so many memories here....sigh... Pastor Owoeye....aka 'daddy', Pastor Folarin Alonge, Pastor Kayode Fashola, and wife (indeed, the first people I stayed with for months when I got my first job in Lagos, a wonderful Man and Woman Of God...Mama is something else, there certainly is no Pastor's wife like you!) Pastor Adeogun Ajala (I will never forget the analogy you gave me when I needed wisdom to navigate that very tricky situation: "trees weaving in the stormy wind?", it still works today oh!) ...Pastor Herbert Aderibigbe, Rev Afolabi Coker...these people....many prayers, many vigils, many deliverance services, many fastings...it was all about spirituality...this is my foundation....and it was strong. I thank God for you all!

Titi Akande, Miss Titi,T-ti! You had to be here! Lots of memories there...haaaa...do you remember all the 'treks' to Church when we had absolutely nothing?? While I do not wish or pray we return to that level of poverty ever again, it was good that God taught us to abase and abound! 

Biodun Mayowi...Ebun Alabi...Kola Odedairo...I know there are so many names I should mention here but well...old age...however, my 'entire Rhema Family' ought to cover it!

All the drivers at Alcatel-Lucent, and I mean all of them! They were like rocks whenever I needed them....my very good friend, nick-named 'OY'....in you I found a friend that is not quite like any friend, the things you did for me are incredible,  almost unbelievable but when God decides to favour a man (or woman in my case)...surely it would cause people to marvel o. Je te dis merci, OY, cher ami; que dieu te benisse.....merci finitement!

'Mr. ADY'...egbon like no other, o gah! God bless you oh. Emma...'help the needy'...Lol...thank you.

Ceyda Ogundur...awwww, 'Chic!' Thank you...all those perfumes...you cant believe I still have some of them...you are a love...but where in the world are you? I still have to visit Turkey you know!

Last, but in no way  the least! Late Rev Sister Catherine Amune, my dearest 'Soeur Kate'...I miss you mucho ...we built so many memories, travelled so much (I think I hardly spent any weekend at school in FCE...it was one ordination after the other!). ...and for you I am thankful for the friendship of Rev. Fathers Musa and Ojo, to mention a few...your smile...how can I forget it?? It lights up your entire black face! Your humour, your 'craziness'...you would always adjust your veil, you would whip out that little round sharpener that has a mirror, right in class, and check your face, which was ALWAYS powdered, you would run both hands over it, just to be sure its still smooth....looool...whew...I remembered when I stood over your casket in Bode, looking at your face as I wept, all I could think was, oh God, someone had powdered you up, and that you would like that...and your veil was placed just so, exactly how you liked it to be.... not going to cry, no, but the tears would ALWAYS prick, cos I miss you oh. Although I would never get over the fact that we were fighting when you died, I have forgiven myself finally and have learnt to 'not cry because it ended,' but to 'smile becausee it happened'. Thank you...It was exciting and wonderful knowing and being your best friend in school.  You were such a great pleasure, Rev Sister with a difference. Je t'aime toujours!

...Is this blog long enough yet..? This is just Part 2 oh!

For adding colour to my life...I have no words to thank you, except to ask God, The One who owns the entire world and all that is in it, to meet you at your own points of need. My life is rich(er) for having you in it. I love you all!

They say to let people know how you feel about them before it's too late...I recall again that song by Ronan Keating...If Tomorrow Never Comes...would she (he) know how much I loved her (him)...take a chance, erect your own Wall of Fame...thank and appreciate them by phone, by mail, by tweet, on a blog, on FB...opportunities abound for this, thank them for being in your life...Kate died before I could...I learnt a very bitter lesson there, so, faites-le...do it, and...

...be free oh!

Zouzou's Wall of Fame (Part 1)

(This is long o! I tried to edit I really did, but it is not my fault I am so blessed with people).

Je suis la pour dire merci a dieu et a tous mes familles, mes amis, mes collegues...a vous tous! Allons nous... yeah yeah...try not to be lost!

I am beloved of God! How awesome. The One who pours the seas into jars and puts the deep into storehouses, The One who names the stars each and calls them by their names, The One who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, The One who covers the earth with the deep as a garment, The One who tells the seas, ‘so far have you come, go no further!’, The One before whom the mountains skip, My father, my God, my friend, my lover, my buckler, my shield, my defense, my strong tower, my glory, the lifter of my head, my king and my God! Who am I that You are so mindful of me?? MEEE?! *marveling*

He told me recently that He has worn me as a garment (I don’t have a full idea of what that means yet), but I got thinking that He has surrounded me with so many people that I too wear them as one would a garment, there must be a perfect interpretation of this in Yoruba, someone please help me…

And so, in no particular order…

The Musa family, I say thank you, because, I mean, I get to be amongst you guys na, abi?? I don’t care if you think am being 'partial' but I doff my hat at my favouritest of all siblings, Balarabe Musa! You are something else….as soon as God gets you to that place where you ought to be, I can just imagine what you would do! You are blessed!! And by extension to the only Apple of our eyes for now, Karimat Musa, the over-intelligent and sharp little lady, you just gladden my heart…Miss Ben 10!

Papi, Munira, Hanatu, Dj and Rakiya, you all have touched my life one way or the other and the Lord will bless you…it’s not a mistake we all ended up here…even if e tire me sometimes. J

To the Bellos….hmmmm, we definitely have come a loooooong way, we so have o. EsuB is the one who holds the rod, of my fathers, and in this case I have just 2 of them! Mr. Musa is the one with the staff, talk about a balanced life! Rali, Dee, Rash, Fali (Sapa) and Bade…space will fail me to announce just how each of you have been significant, but there is no way you would have gone missing from this page…I should mention here that Sapa is the person to name me ‘Iya’, and that has become my family name today (she probably has forgotten).

Kaka, my favouritest aunty!! Awww, you are too much aunty Kaka…too much.

The Alabis…Umma!!! It was through you I entered the Alabi household as far back as 1983, and then this house entered into my house, and both families became one…thank you. Barira Bawiwi, Zainab Zeelarry (the name stealer that also brought Kemo into our lives), Saa, my love…I mean, what would you guys do without me? What? We are stuck for life and stuck for good!

My Mothers: 3 of them, wonderful women of prayer, I don’t see what else anyone will ask for if they had these women as mums. Mrs Rapu (this woman is absolutely something else and we understand each other completely)  Evangelist Love Emmanuel (Momo Special), the indefatigable woman of God! Mummy Alabi… (you were the first to show me Isaiah 49:10, part of your many prayers for children), God will surely cause you all to smile, especially The Smile that you have so awaited. Your presence in my life has all but taken away the pain of losing Mrs. Mary Musa.

My friends….ha…here are so many wonderful people, I should say a word about each but I fear the page will explode with too much info…in no particular order, Tinuke and Mubo…my very first born-again companions and sisters…very many prayers…so many groaning that could not be uttered...very many fastings…I grew up spiritually with these two...I sore miss those days. Nike (and by extension Jibo and Konks), my Ikoyi family, doors always open for whenever I chose to walk in, and as that sharp mouthed Demilade will say ‘its aunty Zouzou, sneaking around’ when I show up at 6am in the morning. Can you imagine this 5 year old?? Me sneaking?? …anyway sha, I say to them, we are stuck for life…I can’t be chased away (now where is that ‘cool’ icon??).

Adejoke (‘heellllooooo!!!!’), Tony (a friend that literally sticks closer than a brother!) Thank God for LASU Masters Class, imagine never meeting you two?? Unimaginable! Uju madu! (Uju is one specie of human that I marvel at…), Funlola, Biscoma, Ericson, Dickson: my brother by another other mother…

‘The Women’…Loretta, my sis Angel….sis Eunice, ever there to answer all my questions and give pointers where necessary, Imecious, Milliechow, sis Toks…I can’t get over that help you rendered last year oh, you are too much…my VP (sis Toch), my Ese, incredible and amazing women of G…you have all had such an impact in my life, what with all those prayer meetings and outings and movies…hmmm.

Bookie! Miz Bee, my Climbing Companion, Lol! It’s amazing how people meet and they just hit it off, and the way you and I just happen to almost always speak the same language…interesting stuff. You brought Bliss into my life, and all the ladies therein are just amazing…

My Club Beautiful ladies, I wish I could name you all, but Ibim, and Christie are the 2 who have stuck, even though the group no longer exist! Tonye, Tony (Uagboe), Fred, Seun…organizing The Singles with you guys was da bomb! Couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful group of bros...

How could I forget my bosses?? I do not think there is anyone who has had more wonderful bosses! I am too blessed! Marc Isabel, first boss ever (turned Papa), Michel Rezki, Guenter Vogel, JB Bre, Joe Anikwe, and now Andrew Alli, I say thank you, working with you all is definitely life made easy…I know for sure that I am the envy of many J

All my ALU friends and family, the dispatchers, my Glo friends and family, you are such wonderful people, how can I not mention the French Embassy people…TE et Antoine, mes favoris.

Now I commend you all into the hand of the Almighty, The One who has me engraved me in the palm of His hand, who says of me ‘your walls are ever before Me’, I pray that He will bless you, and cause His face to shine upon you. Because you have thought of me in your heart for good, He will bless you and keep you…your paths did not cross mine in error, uh hun, no, it didn’t!

Create a Wall of Fame too….be free oh!

Zainab Talatu Bello-Alabi-Musa-…..(the last name should add itself already!) J

If your name is not here, don’t be offended and don’t hate me, God Himself knows you by name, I am only human…besides, this is Part 1! Better is the end of a thing abi?

Just Ask!

I have been away o, not necessarily from the computer or Internet,  just...away....Sometimes you have to know when you should 'disappear', and contrary to popular opinion, the world would not collapse just because you are no there to be 'in charge!'

The bible did say something about there being a time for everything, abi?

During my 'away', I read, I mediated, I mused, I pondered and I discovered more truths! I read the bible, I read a fantastic book on Fasting, and I am still reading my Jack Canfield (extremely big book, but I am taking my time on that). The wow, and the amazing thing with all of these readings is that everything just 'jells' as in, everything confirmed itself.

So, in no special order or coherence.....:

I come at you today, with the truths I discovered, based on the premise that this season, for me, is The Season, for WHATEVER I DESIRE! That is how ready big Pops above is to bless.....waiting, arms folded, watching, waiting for that tiny faith to spark so He can spring. I am too convinced of this.

Everywhere I turn there is a nudge, an exhortation, an encouragement, a charge, a push to up and do something. I have never been more aware of a season as I am of this one....all those themes for each year had never really worked for me, I just glided through the years by special grace ni ke, but this personal rev for my own season is so strong: WHATEVER I WANT.

I am also convinced that God does not want to bless me alone....every scripture I have read in the last few days keep saying 'you and your household'...so I now (more than ever, not that you ever forget family in prayers, infact, they are usually the main focus) consciously include, by name, each member of my 'family,' and man, are they many!!!.

I also came away with the fact that fasting is just as powerful as praying...it is, itself, a form of prayer....so, whatever I have to do, I will o, I shall employ every tool at my disposal. Everything depends on me (you)..God is just waiting...if the Bible hadn't said that He is a patient God, I would say I see Him tapping his foot...internally saying...come on, come on cooooommmmmeeeee on!!!!!

Aside from the above, you know I have been chanting, 'just do it', 'just do it!' If only it were that easy! Because Mr. Fear is ever lurking. Ha, real fear sef, fear of failure, of rejection but again that is normal, what is not normal is to be completely cowed by that fear...I have chosen to be like bros Jehoshaphat who was plunged into terror but made up his mind to seek the Lord.

Baba Adeboye says to go back to the place where they have told you NO. GO BACK. GOOO. What do you want??

In addition to 'just do it! I am adding, 'Just Ask!' It never hurts to ask. Asking brings a lot of surprises. So, in case I approach you and ask the strangest thing of you, do not be aghast. Successful people, I have read, are never afraid to ask for what they want...again I say....who knows?? God will not show up in a big red hat to bless me, He would use people and things around...according to a tweet from Dr. Mike Murdock....'you are one person away from what you want'. Shikena fa.

Be free oooohhhh, in fact so that we can rest! (rolling eyes)

I have Come ‘Un-bound!'

The one thing I hope this blog will never be is pretentious.

Something remarkable and profound happened to me a few days ago, more profound is the fact that I accepted it without question, without thought, and I ‘ran’ with it! I hope you noticed that I did not say 'without pain' o. Ehen.

Dare I share it here? Would it be airing (not dirty) linen in public? I don’t think so. So why not? Why hesitate? Miss Proponent of different and advocate of 'Be Free'?? Pray, share o jare….

For those of you who really know me, you know how I have insisted and proclaimed that I would not marry a man younger than I. In fact thinking about it, I found that I had no 'valid' reason for taking this stand! I was never worried about whether I would 'lord' it over this younger man or that I would disrespect him. There really, honestly was no reason. On the other hand, I have also insisted that I could not marry an oyinbo, here I have a reason, (dont judge me too quickly, I am not a racist o), me say that me like the African culture of 'family', 'togetherness,' and the 'helping your neighbour' whenever there is a need, and also because I believe that I could never live abroad, who wanted to die of cold (yeeeees! yep! coooollld)...no I wasn't going to marry oyinbo who would take me away into the cold, and where I will not see my family as and when I want...at least these are reasons, stupid and silly as they may sound to you, well, you can only pray that I come 'unbound' in this regard too oh. Be your sister's keeper.

The age thing: Who knows how many good men have slipped by as I kept myself ‘bound’ in this…this…what’s the word now?? Of course the word is ‘tradition’. And for someone who wants to be free, I haven’t really done well with myself, have I? What a rude awakening! What a ridiculous limitation I have put on myself! And all these years...

I was at a slumber parri last week and someone in the group mentioned that for someone who claims to be ‘un-traditional’  it’s surprising that I am bothered about being older than the man I marry….(this is the part where I need the ‘surprise’ and ‘huh’ icons)…I thought fleetingly about it and waved it away, tucked  so far in the recess of my mind I would have to do a lot of searching to bring that (displeasing, ugh!) thought back.

But sitting at my desk Monday afternoon, out of nowhere, absolutely out of nowhere….it hit me: ‘it doesn’t matter’. And gbam! Just like that, the ‘veil’ fell away…it just fell away…and I IM-ed a friend and two and told them ‘age makes no difference oh, it doesn’t.’ Was it God? Is it a rev(elation)? Was it my thought? Did I even think about it? I dont know, I just know that light shone, and I could see and  the freedom of accepting and letting it go weighed more favorably than the pain thereof.

I know that I owe this to one particular friend….I know she has been asking God to deal with me, because she is so thoroughly fed up with my sad excuses for remaining single! (the next blog has got to be about appreciating friends and family. I honestly do not believe that anyone else is as blessed as I am when it comes to the people surrounding them….surely no one else is this blessed?!) So, I doff my hat at you, Lorrie babe…your shout of halleluyah is still ringing very loudly in my ear (rolling eyes sarcastically!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Duh.

Sometimes, I feel that God is just sitting there, cheeks resting in His palm, wondering why we are so full of it, just hoping we would 'gerrit' already so He can move on. I imagine Him really sighing in exasperation...thinking....jeez, child! I sooo beleive this. I see this picture! :-)

Be free oh…you too...afterall, "he who the Son sets free is free indeed"