Friday, July 15

TGIF Muse

I cannot, for the life of me, imagine what brought this muse on at this time.
But why is it people have such an expectation, such a high expectation of others? It puts too much pressure on people. Methinks.
But, this is the main thrust of my muse this morning: just because I happen to ‘not to care’, nor have an expectation where people or friends are concerned;  whether you call me when am ill or not, whether you visit me or not, whether you accompany me home to bury my mother, (who’s been dead more than 10 years anyway) or not, whether you accompany me for  my sisters’ wedding  in ‘our village’ or not, whether Church people are concerned about my welfare or not, whether you come to my wedding or not! etc etc….I am wondering if it is not wrong to do the same to people just because I do not mind if they do it to me?
Like my good friend (I probably shouldn’t mention names here, but they know themselves!), we hardly ever call each other to check up on one another, when I am ill, she may (no, she does not!)  drive to my house to check up on me, and I do not mind at all, because whenever, absolutely whenever I  call her for an issue, she gets on top of it. For as long as I can remember, she’s always done that. And with this kind of understanding, our friendship is ‘secure’. No fights.
That I do not want to travel to Port Harcourt, or Abia or Damaturu to attend a wedding or a burial, does this make me a bad person? Someone says some things you have grace for, others you don’t. However, just because I do not have these expectations, should I now subject my friends, or people generally, to the same? Should I now not show up to fulfill their own expectations? I don’t believe I should, but neither do I want to be pressurized! Hmmm, talk about very thin lines…which, by the way, I have been trying to blog but the thoughts just won’t come together!
I guess it could be said that an understanding of the strengths of each person is necessary to know how to deal with them. Still, there are friends I get into a huff with just because they do not do things that I would normally do for them, Hmmm, talk about hypocrisy, abi na double standard? Which one e be? Again, thin lines.
Let me judge myself, and I would apologize right here, if I have been a little less forthcoming in your expectations of me, (rolling eyes) but while this is not an excuse, the kind of life we live today is a selfish one. We blame circumstances that surround us (and Lagos generally, for those living in Lagos with all of its challenges). However, they say that a ‘friend’s house is not too far to visit’, no matter the challenges! So traffic, rain etc is not really an issue here. Where your ‘treasure’ is, there your heart is too, abi? Selah.
Does this solve the issue? I guess not but the muse continues (in my head at least!)
Abeg, how did I get on this one oh?!
TGIF….and be free….flood or not!

5 comments:

  1. Passage Romans 12:15:

    Romans 12: 15Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

    As a Christian, that is what comes to mind. As me, I know that I haven't been there for others as I should, the irony being that most of my friends are so protective of me and step up to the plate when necessary...It's not only you oh Zee. Don't fret too much, it's in our nature to be selfish and self absorbed. If you know what the cure is please let me in on it...

    bon baisers - Mary (Omo Jesu)

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  2. I learned something new sometime ago about this issue... I would on a normal go the extra mile for a friend, a loved 1. I would try my best to attend your wedding in Gombe against all odds, until I realized sometimes I sacrifice too much for these 'sacrifices'. Now, not because the people aint worth it, but because I would be miserable days on end when my boss won't grant me day(s) off for such, or even borrow transport fare to be able to make it!! etc.

    I learned however to know where to draw the line. Give what you have and not what you don't have. In some cases your time/ money... it doesn't mean you love the person less. It only means you know when to draw the line. I will not attend anyone's wedding 4weeks to a professional exam any more. Not cos I don't love you, but I just cant afford the time. I'll give what I can, money, little buckets of advice where I can, referrals for cheaper bargains etc...and if you love me, I'll expect you to understand.

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  3. I am Exactly d same! I dont expect and I dnt keep tabs of how many times u do or dont call me. And I hv come to a place where if u do and i fail u 'a sincere sorry' is wot u wl get. For me 'love' is stringless, grudgefree and has no agenda.
    God is especially fond of YOU.
    Bola EN (DNW)

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  4. Ladies: great comments. Thanks.
    Like I said, somethings you have the grace for, others, you dont! And where we beleive grace is needed, ask God for it.
    DNW just caps it for me: 'Love is stringless, grudgefree and has no agenda!' Chikena. Opari. C'est tout. Simple.

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  5. @Tola i understand u. I used to sacrifice a lot for people until I realized that they were taking me for granted. I had to learn to draw the line. If I can I do it, if I can't I don't. And I have learnt not to expect too much from people cos life really isn't like that.
    www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

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